Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
