so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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