No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
