I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
