Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
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