Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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