My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
