I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
