I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
