you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
