dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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