I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
