Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want to make out with him forever
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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