Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
