Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
