3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
