I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
