my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
