just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
