on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
