Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
