After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She's the barista slut.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
