when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
