Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
