We won't sleep together?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
