my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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