Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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