So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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