Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Can I color on your dick again?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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