Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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