I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
