who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
