This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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