She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
