Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
