I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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