Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
