his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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