I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
