remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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