how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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