I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
