my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
