Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
