Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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