There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
