Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
