We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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