An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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