Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
