Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
