I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
